The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
