She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
