I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dignity is for republicans.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
