you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
