my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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