ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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