After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
