we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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