He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
