I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
