Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
