How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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