ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
