OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
