He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
