what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
