I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
