If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
