Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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