I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
