i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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