i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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