I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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