TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
