Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
