It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
