the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
