i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
