I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
