Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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