You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
