I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
