After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize