Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
