And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
