he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
