so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
