well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
