I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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