my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
