Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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