The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
