The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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