also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
