Farmville is her only friend.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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