I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
