If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
