even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
