dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
