His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
