you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
