ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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