When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
