last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
