Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
