She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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