Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
