I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
