Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
