It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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