Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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