3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
