Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
