Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
