and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
