Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize