Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will die if light touches me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As shirtless as possible
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
