My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
