Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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