P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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