We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
