So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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