weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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