I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
