just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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