i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
