is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
