this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
