have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
