he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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