I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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