My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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