How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
