I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
