She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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