By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
