yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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