For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
