Im at strip club and am horny
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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