You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
