they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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