I am midnight drunk by noon
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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