The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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